3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
PANTIES FOUND
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
