at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
