And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
