Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize