My first STD was from a foam party
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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