I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
