I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
