So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
