you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
