i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
people are starting to question the shark bite story
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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