I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
