So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
