If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize