How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
