how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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