Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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