Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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