All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize