My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
