no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
