like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
we should paint friendship bongs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
