and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
