You smell like stripper and shame
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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