so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
