I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
