There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
