I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
