I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
