oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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