Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
