I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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