So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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