I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
