he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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