I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
