Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
