her vagine was all disorganized.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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