They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
