Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
