So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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