I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
