last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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