I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
