My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
