i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
