does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
