batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
