she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize