Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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