I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
