I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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