You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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