After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize