Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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