Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
