I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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