I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
