why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
