Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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