I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
