he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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