I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
