I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You have to summon your inner elephant
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize