and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
