I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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