we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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