I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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