Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
