Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
