so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
