conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
