I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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