Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there is puke in my bra ... again
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