I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
