I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
