I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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