dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
