normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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