It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
