do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We were destined to go to rehab together
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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