He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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