1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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