I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
