Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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