i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize