he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
