So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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