Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
