All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
