Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize