I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
