Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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