my being single is dangerous.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
