Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
