About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize