You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
