I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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