"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
